What I’ve Learned in my First Year of Marriage
Brian and I have been married for almost a year… I still can’t believe how quickly time flies! We were already living together prior to marriage so not much changed regarding our living situation after we married. But oddly enough, there were some things that changed or were made more apparent to me once we got married. Here are a few things I learned in my first year of marriage!
Have Your Own Identity
Anyone that knows me knows that this is extremely important to me. Brian and I have always had a relationship where we were able to also have a life independent from each other, from attending different high schools and colleges at one point, to having very different work schedules. Brian works on a tugboat that usually requires him to be gone for a week at time; keep in mind that in the past he has worked jobs where he was gone 30, 40, 60, even 90 days at a time! Having this type of work schedule has made us have to be independent, even when we don’t want to be.
No matter what your situation is, it is good to have your own identity. From going to a concert with just your friends to having your own hobby, it’s good to do things on your own without your spouse. Of course, it is great to spend time together, but it’s also great to have your own experiences and thoughts that are specific to you and your life.
Dream Together
I believe it is beneficial to maintain some independence when married. That being said, it is also important to also have mutual dreams and goals. Brian and I are constantly discussing our thoughts and dreams for our future, which helps us in other areas of our relationship. One topic we are always on the same page with is money; we are both always conscious of how much we are spending. This relates to many of our other dreams, from buying a home to vacations, and the hard work that needs to be done to achieve those things. Team work makes the dream work!
Get Mad, Then Get Over It
One thing that I really noticed after being officially married is that there is a different feeling when it comes to arguments. When we argue about something, there is usually this unspoken mentality where we think “well, we need to just get over this and come to a resolution!”. The days where one fight can break up a relationship are long-gone (well, at least for us). It is perfectly ok to argue and disagree, but realize that you need to just find a solution and get over it, especially for those trivial arguments. Even if the solution is just mutually agreeing to let it go!
Communicate
Communication is K E Y. I know everyone says that, but it’s the truth. Even if there is something weighing on your mind that cannot necessarily be fixed or be changed, it is best to let your spouse know. Having thoughts and feelings that you’re constantly mulling over in your head get pent up, which can lead to lashing out at your spouse or others that you’re close to. I have often prefaced conversations with “I want to let you know how I feel because something is on my mind, but I don’t need your advice or need you to fix it. I just want to explain how I am feeling right now.” I am thankful that Brian understands that in this moment I usually just need someone to listen…and a hug!
Dates are Underrated
It’s important to remember that after you’re married, you should still go on dates! Going on a date together often removes distractions that you usually have at home (cleaning, watching tv, etc). It is important to still take the time to get ready and go out with each other in order to mix things up. Even if it is something like a hike or frozen yogurt. Anything we do that is out of the norm always makes me happy because I’m doing it with my spouse!
Continue to Put in Effort
Put effort into yourself, your spouse, and your relationship. I think people often hear about when a couple gets married, they can stop trying. Whether that’s supposed to be a joke or not, I think that happens for a lot of people! A marriage, just like any other thing in life, will only continue to develop and flourish if you put in the effort to care for it.
Congratulations on your one year anniversary and many more! You are totally right about communication. 99% of the time my husband and I arguements or get mad at each other is because we under communicate with each other. The other thing that I would add it commitment. Staying committed to each other and the views you made. Even during the tough times, commitment will be what you need to get through. Keep writing more of these great post!
Toni-Ann, commitment is definitely important! Thanks for reading!
It’s nice to find someone as committed to togetherness as you are, which it seems like you have. Marriage is about compromise, but also about staying true to your intuition. As someone who has been married for 30 years, I think all your suggestions are good ones. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your kind words, Vox!
Congrats on hitting your first year! It’s such a huge milestone. I remember the first year being full of lessons and I appreciate the ones that you have shared here. I particularly agree with the idea that you need to have your own identity but you should always make sure that you are dreaming WITH your spouse. That allows you to continue to grow as an individual but keeps you growing closer together as a couple!
Thank you Janine, I’m glad this article resonated with you! 🙂
Congratulations on your one year anniversary! You look so happy!! These are some great tips for keeping the love going after the “honeymoon” phase has lifted. Having your own identity is so important. Although the plan is to stay together, it’s important to know yourself and to have relationships with other loved ones in case something does go wrong. Thank you for this! I hope that the joy you have in these pictures lasts forever!
Thank you Gabrielle, I really appreciate it!
My hubby and I are coming up on our two year anniversary, so we are pretty close to you guys! I know exactly what you mean about communication! There is NO WAY around it. You have to find the right type that works for the both of you…buy sometimes it takes a while to find the right kind! 😉
It can definitely take a while to find what works, and that’s totally ok! 🙂
You provide such great points about continuing to put effort into your marriage! It is a relationship that takes constant effort and intentional time. I love when others share about the importance of always dating your spouse because I think it’s something that is often forgotten or overlooked. Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you Lisa, that means a lot to me!
Super post! Relationships are work and take much commitment on both parts. Not losing yourself is very important. Great advice!!
Thank you Sheri!
What great information! Marriage is such a give and take. It takes a lot of effort but is so worth it! Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary!
Thank you, Erin!
Congrats on your one year anniversary! My husband and I are celebrating our one year in August so I can relate to a lot of your marriage reflections. We have definitely found all of these to be true with communication and effort being the most important. Both of us have to intentionally choose to communicate and put effort into our marriage every day. Upholding our commitment to our another in marriage is one of the greatest blessings in life.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment Chelsie! Congrats to you as well 🙂