Brian and I have been married for almost a year… I still can’t believe how quickly time flies! We were already living together prior to marriage so not much changed regarding our living situation after we married. But oddly enough, there were some things that changed or were made more apparent to me once we got married. Here are a few things I learned in my first year of marriage!
Have Your Own Identity
Anyone that knows me knows that this is extremely important to me. Brian and I have always had a relationship where we were able to also have a life independent from each other, from attending different high schools and colleges at one point, to having very different work schedules. Brian works on a tugboat that usually requires him to be gone for a week at time; keep in mind that in the past he has worked jobs where he was gone 30, 40, 60, even 90 days at a time! Having this type of work schedule has made us have to be independent, even when we don’t want to be.
No matter what your situation is, it is good to have your own identity. From going to a concert with just your friends to having your own hobby, it’s good to do things on your own without your spouse. Of course, it is great to spend time together, but it’s also great to have your own experiences and thoughts that are specific to you and your life.
Dream Together
I believe it is beneficial to maintain some independence when married. That being said, it is also important to also have mutual dreams and goals. Brian and I are constantly discussing our thoughts and dreams for our future, which helps us in other areas of our relationship. One topic we are always on the same page with is money; we are both always conscious of how much we are spending. This relates to many of our other dreams, from buying a home to vacations, and the hard work that needs to be done to achieve those things. Team work makes the dream work!
Get Mad, Then Get Over It
One thing that I really noticed after being officially married is that there is a different feeling when it comes to arguments. When we argue about something, there is usually this unspoken mentality where we think “well, we need to just get over this and come to a resolution!”. The days where one fight can break up a relationship are long-gone (well, at least for us). It is perfectly ok to argue and disagree, but realize that you need to just find a solution and get over it, especially for those trivial arguments. Even if the solution is just mutually agreeing to let it go!
Communicate
Communication is K E Y. I know everyone says that, but it’s the truth. Even if there is something weighing on your mind that cannot necessarily be fixed or be changed, it is best to let your spouse know. Having thoughts and feelings that you’re constantly mulling over in your head get pent up, which can lead to lashing out at your spouse or others that you’re close to. I have often prefaced conversations with “I want to let you know how I feel because something is on my mind, but I don’t need your advice or need you to fix it. I just want to explain how I am feeling right now.” I am thankful that Brian understands that in this moment I usually just need someone to listen…and a hug!
Dates are Underrated
It’s important to remember that after you’re married, you should still go on dates! Going on a date together often removes distractions that you usually have at home (cleaning, watching tv, etc). It is important to still take the time to get ready and go out with each other in order to mix things up. Even if it is something like a hike or frozen yogurt. Anything we do that is out of the norm always makes me happy because I’m doing it with my spouse!
Continue to Put in Effort
Put effort into yourself, your spouse, and your relationship. I think people often hear about when a couple gets married, they can stop trying. Whether that’s supposed to be a joke or not, I think that happens for a lot of people! A marriage, just like any other thing in life, will only continue to develop and flourish if you put in the effort to care for it.
